when we were dating i nearly died every time he'd hop on a 4-wheeler at his parents' and get up on 2 wheels showing off(though i was impressed...). soooo dangerous, i'd think...my kids will NEVER do that for sure. when we got married i insisted, inSISTED that his guns stay at his parents'. people can lose their eyeballs at their house, not mine.
well, things change. get ready. this one's long...
a good friend of mine has been posting some lately about being a better steward of her home. very neat. when i first read it though i thought..."i do that. this place stays clean. but good for her." then i'd be putting laundry up and notice how. many. clothes. were in the closet...or putting up dishes and notice how much in the cabinets we never used. i don't even want to talk about my hall closets or garage...i've always given myself those as "freebies" because the rest of the house was so clean.
but now...it's bugging me. the extra. we don't NEED. we don't USE. so it's my new mission in life to become a true minimalist...where we have what we need and use and no more. SIMPLIFY.
and it's leaking into other parts of my life. i can't stand how busy things are. ridiculous that to plan a lunch with a friend sometimes you have to go weeks out until you are both free. hate that sometimes i don't feel like i have to spend 15 minutes[a TINY fraction of the day, really] reading my bible in the morning, because i have so much to do. i don't like that when i have something to plan for someone, or a meal to take someone, or whatever...that i stress and stress over forgetting something or someone, because my brain is just. too. full. and let's face it, there wasn't much room in there to start with. SIMPLIFY.
in going through my kids' toys for our garage sale, i'm annoyed at the singing/dancing/remote controlled/so complicated i, a flippin' grown up, can't transform this transformer back to a car/missing pieces because there were too many/missing batteries...UGH. sometimes i just want to go outside with a stick and a ball and let them play with those...or rides bikes all day. or stack wooden blocks. SIMPLIFY.
i'm going through every tiny corner in our house and if we don't use it regularly, it's out. the pile of 'sale' in my room is growing HUGE. leo's room is the only room so far that is completely and totally done, and it feels awesome to know exactly what's in there and where it is.
leo...the simplest of us all, got tired playing on his blanket and rolled into it for a nap this morning. now that's nice and simple.
i have this sign in my living room. i like it more now.
my sister mentioned that a book she'd loaned me had a chapter on simplicity. and wow. it is GOOD. the book is the celebration of discipline. and it's just fueling my fire on this. eccles. 7:30 says "God made man simple; man's complex problems are of his own devising." [this verse isn't in all translations...not sure what's up with that?]
this part of the book REALLY got me.
"when we are tempted to think that what we own is the result of our personal efforts, it takes only a little drought or small accident to show us once again how utterly dependent we are for everything."
wow. so true.
if you're reading this blog...you probably know we spent the past 2.5 years working like crazy to get out of debt. and we do give God the glory for it. but it is easy to sink into a prideful..."well sure God helped, but Lord knows we worked our tails off, and THAT's why we're out of debt" well guess what? it hasn't been as easy peasy, super peaceful to be 'out of debt' as we'd imagined. we still have medical bills that pour in. we don't have extra cash like you'd think. we have even borrowed money...TWICE since april when we finished my student loan. now not from a bank or credit card mind you, but what difference does it make? really?
i'm pretty sure things have continued to be a challenge because we were so proud of ourselves. we're nothing. we only pulled this off because God orchestrated all those extra jobs to work together, so we could have all of them...so all that money could go to our debt. when i thought 2 years ago..."hmm...if only i had a child i could babysit, then i could be home with boys and still make money..." and then my friend called to see if i could watch the girl she'd been watching...did I do that? or when we had $300 left on a credit card...with our goal date sneaking up, and we got a $300 check in the mail the day before. did i do that? or when kevin needed a car...ANY car...and one that he looooved literally drove up right by him at work, and the guy sold it to him for less than we we'd even hoped for....did i do that? or when we had only $4200 left in total debt....and we thought we'd have to pay in taxes, but we got a $4300 return. did i do that?
ok, God, i get it. i did nothing. our motto during those 2.5 years was "work like it all depends on you, pray like it all depends on God". we were trying to be obedient. and God rewarded that with success. period.
all that said. i want things simpler. and i've caught myself lately fantasizing about moving out in the country[not too far, mind you...] and letting the boys play outside, on God forbid, four wheelers...and get ready for it...maybe even a dog. and when they're older go shooting with daddy...maybe with their own guns. oh Lord what's happening to me...and like the country song says, "point our rockin' chairs toward the west"...hang out on the porch in the evenings. no tv. maybe a garden with some veggies i grew. what in the world.
grow up super old with this guy. the tall one. the one who has subtly, slowly...without even meaning to...changed my opinion on so many things that i must've been a total flake to begin with....love him.
(7 years ago....)